Inspired
by sugahcat
Summary: A collection of unrelated Faicentric ficlets, focusing on his past, his relationships and the unravelling of his secrets. KuroxFai and AshuraxFai, and therefore yaoi. Update! Unlucky chapter 13, oh no! Forsaken part four. Angst, fluff, light naughtiness.
1. Pain

Um. These are short stories (some very short!) inspired by various songs that'll be named in the A/N's of each chapter. But wait! Don't run away! They're not songfics - not really. Stick with me here ;)

The songs aren't mine. The credit for these should really go to Ali-san as she gave me the idea, and as well major thankies to her for beta-ing them :D.

This one is inspired by _My Immortal_ by Evanescense.

Disclaimer:The characters belong to CLAMP sob

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**Pain**  
sugahcat

It's snowing. The flakes are falling softly, so softly as I gaze out of the window. It reminds me of Celes. More than Spirit did, for the town itself reminds me of the village near Ashura-ou's castle. The people here are as jumpy as in Celes, as overly polite and fearful. We've yet to ascertain why they're this way and part of me doesn't want to know.

This place stirs so many memories that I have a hard enough time with my own troubles without worrying about other people's. I've been trying to be as carefree and teasing as I normally am but I think Kurogane sees the strain beneath the facade. I misjudged him when we first met and perhaps I'm paying for it now. I can't fool him, but maybe that's for the best. If he sees who I truly am and doesn't hate me for it, maybe I can allow myself to begin to _be_ myself again.

Kuro-tan's given me a lot to think about. Should I live my life the way I want to, for myself? I wonder idly whether Kuro-chan knew that my living that way would involve him. I really have no idea. While he seems to see right through me sometimes, I have no idea how to read him. Perhaps it is because I'm so used to dealing with people who weave webs of lies and deceit that when I come to speak to someone who is plain and as he appears I'm completely out of my depth.

I chuckle and contemplate on how very different he is to Ashura-ou whilst ignoring what comparing the two of them in this way means.

Of course, they look different - both attractive though Ashura-ou was beauty and grace and Kuro-tan is raw, fierce sexiness. And their personalities... My King was a liar and as graceful in his speech as in his movement. He used me and wouldn't hesitate to do it again for it amused him and I pleasured him. He was the most selfish man I've ever met.

Kurogane is honest to the point of brutality and his emotions are astonishingly open. He tries to hide the fact that he cares about his companions but I see differently. Perhaps because this is one of the only ways in which he is being deceitful, this is the thing I see most clearly. He gives his loyalty and his time only to those whom he see's as worthy - he is loyal to his Princess but I know that he would not be blindly loyal, as I was to Ashura-ou...

Ashura-ou. How I wish I could give up my memories - my obsession, perhaps - of you. But your presence still lingers and nothing I do seems to make it go away. When I'm traveling with Kuro-tan and the kids suddenly I'll remember something and it's like a punch to the gut and it's all I can do to keep smiling. Oh, you used me, Ashura-ou. I hate you for this. You lied to me so that you could keep on using me. And when I didn't believe your lies anymore, you threatened me. You liked me in your bed and liked me even more in your armoury and you weren't about to let me go. But for a long time - the longest time - I believed that you loved me. What a fool I was, I think bitterly as I stare resolutely out at the snow. No matter how much it hurts I refuse to cry over you again. You're not worthy of my tears.

I was yours, completely - but you were never mine. Even though you haunt my thoughts and dreams, you were never mine.

For long moment I battle with my tears, trying to keep up my resolve to not cry. And just when it seems that I'm about to lose that fight, Kuro-tan walks into this room that we're sharing and looks at me. I wonder how I look. I'm pretty sure my eyes are full of tears and I must look pretty distraught. He looks over at me, an unreadable expression in his startlingly scarlet eyes.

I gaze back and the urge to cry fades slowly and then is gone. I don't feel quite so lonely anymore with Kurogane in the room. We look at each other with no animosity, no challenges, no teasing, and suddenly I feel as though the pain I'm feeling will fade one day after all. I smile a small, sad smile, but it's a real one. He tilts his head back slightly - and then nods. He's never tried to force me for information if I don't want to give it. He seems to understand that I'm not ready to talk yet. For now, we just sit in comfortable silence and I hope that I'm easing his loneliness a little, too.


	2. Irritation

I did say some of these were very short - and this is one of those :D I can't decide whether or not to move my TRC fics over to the Tsubasa Chronicle section... Decisions, decisions...

This one is inspired by St. Anger by Metallica.

Disclaimer:Neither the song nor the characters belong to me, alas.

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**Irritation**  
sugahcat

The wizard's smiling again. I can understand to an extent when he's smiling at the princess or at some stupid thing he and the manjuu have just made up. But now he's smiling because he doesn't want to show the truth about how he feels.

I can count the number of times I've seen him without a smile on his face on one hand. He's damned beautiful when he's being himself. I want him, I know, smile or no smile. I'm honest with myself. I want to kiss those pale lips, I want to crush his naked body against the wall and I want to hear him cry out my name in passion.

I want him to want me. I want him to be himself.

This fake wizard frustrates me, angers me. Mostly because I get the feeling that if I ever knew the person he really is I would fall in love. But for now, I only know the fake him.

And I'm madly in anger with him.


	3. Possessiveness

Review? Please? - begs - 

Major thanks to Animegoil and Ranma Higurashi who've reviewed on each chapter so far - I glomp you :D

Ahem. Ashura's POV. Song in this instance is _Disarm_ by the Smashing Pumpkins. I think this song is utterly Fai. Yay. And there are some song lines in here but unless you know them I don't think they stand out.

Disclaimer:CLAMPs and not mine

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Possessiveness  
sugahcat 

You were such a pretty little boy. There were many fair-haired boys in Celes but you were a little more golden, your eyes a little bluer, your skin a little paler. Of course, I realised how much Power was flowing within your veins even then and I - persuaded - your parents to let me take you to the castle.

When you were 14 and your Powers had emerged - ever-so-coincidentally killing a couple of servants in the process - you chose to let me mark you with a tattoo full of controlling magics. I wonder if you realise even now that I set all of that up. I had been using my own magic to hold back yours for the few weeks I could until the time was right to set you up. Your guilt at their deaths was not surprising - you were such a good boy. And there was never any choice for you, really. Let me control your Power or risk hurting other people - what was a boy supposed to do?

You were so old beyond your years even then, Fai. But at the same time, you were blinded by your love for me. You saw only the shining facade I showed to you and this has always amused me. You were so foolish. And then you grew up. My goodness, you were beautiful. So slim, so pale - you looked so fragile I couldn't help but want you. I wanted to break you, to see what sort of sound you'd make when you shattered.

Even though it was the antithesis of what you wanted, of who you were, I made you kill for me. The killer in you was in the killer in me, sweet Fai. I made you kill, coerced you into it using the tattoo I gave you. Have you realised that yet? And slowly, it seemed that I was somehow giving my fake smile over to you for you started to use it as well. And you were using it more and more often to disarm people as I made you kill for me and your happiness and self-esteem was ebbing away.

And then, you shattered. You realised that I had been lying to you all along. I had never loved you. You had been withering in denial for such a long time that you would have to realise sooner or later. And then I saw in your eyes emotion like broken ice flows. I had broken you, finally. The bitterness in your eyes... it made me smile.

In a way I suppose you won in the end. But I'm slowly waking up. And you're still wearing my smile.


	4. Deceit

Thanks again to my reviewers. Love you all! 

This is based on Human Waste Project's _One Night in Spain_ - ace song :D 

Disclaimer:CLAMPs and not mine.

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Deceit  
sugahcat

"No," I whisper softly.

Ashura-ou smiles at me. "Yes, Fai."

I had begun to believe that I could escape from him, from who I had been. I had begun to have faith that maybe I could have a good life after all. Now I feel it spilling out of me, leaving me empty. I've been living on borrowed time, lying to myself as much as my smile has lied to my companions. I can never be happy. I frown at this thought. That's not true. I think of Kurogane; of his strong, calloused hands on my skin, of the sound of my name on his tongue, of his lips caressing mine in various shades of passion. I have been happy - he's made me happy. Suddenly a strength courses through me. I won't give my ninja up so easily.

"I always kept a little something to myself, kept something back from you," I tell Ashura-ou, who looks slightly shocked that I'm not meekly following him back to Celes. "And now I've given everything to someone else - including the part I never shared with you. I've started to become who I've always been meant to be and I'm not going to crack and fade back to the man you knew - the man you shaped. It's over."

"Are you denying me?" Ashura-ou's voice is low and threatening. I smile.

"Yes."

I feel the air crackle with his Power - he's reminding me of how strong his magic is - almost as strong as mine. Kurogane and the kids are out looking for Sakura-chan's feather. I needn't worry about hurting them if I can't control my own Power and there's no-one else who I can injure for miles around. So maybe I'll use my magic after all. I certainly won't just lie back and let him do what he wants anymore.

"I've told you before, Fai. We are perfect when we lie, when we wrap ourselves in beautiful strands of deceit," Ahshura-ou's voice is almost hypnotic but it doesn't work on me anymore. "The truth is ugly," he continues. "You're going to lose, so you might as well just come home-"

I suddenly release a burst of pent-up Power and stars dance behind my eyes. It feels wonderful and I think perhaps I can control it after all. Ashura-ou staggers behind the force of my magic but his defensive shield holds.

"You-!"

I grin, a real grin. Not a happy one perhaps but it's an honest reflection of my feelings. I can win. And even if I don't, I know I'll have given it my all. My hands trace runic sigils in the air and my battle with Ashura-ou begins, but the battle within me has already been won. I'll never be his again. 


	5. Secrets part one

_Behind Blue Eyes_ by Limp Bizkit was the inspiration for this one (why not the Who version? Because I don't own that version, lol :D). So very Fai. And this is art one of a two parter, how exciting!

Disclaimer:Not mine, all CLAMPs.

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Secrets - part one  
sugahcat

"Why won't you tell me the truth?" 

"Because I can't, Kuro-chan," he replies and the pain behind his smile is utterly heartbreaking. I glare at him. I hate him for lying to me. And yet I can't hate him; I love him, even if I haven't managed to swallow my pride enough to tell him just yet. I should hate him; I despise people like him, but he's so fragile and yet so strong and such anger simmers beneath the surface. 

He thinks I don't know about that, but I do. I can't help but notice when we're sharing a bed and his dreams - or nightmares - get voiced. 'Ashura', whoever he is, seems to be to blame for the state of him, for my mage cries out his name in pain, fury and sometimes ecstacy. Those are the ones I hate the most. I can accept that he's had other lovers, but to know that one of them also mistreated him so badly makes me want to kill the one who did it. 

There's so much behind those blue eyes that I don't know about and I fear the pain I can see is only the smallest fraction of what is there. I want to make it better, somehow; to make him feel as though he can show some of that pain, that woe, so that he can begin to get over it. He seems to be a little less lonely since we started sleeping together; I feel the same. Slowly, together, we can defeat the ghost of this Ashura - and if we ever meet him I know we can defeat him in the flesh as well. 

Inside, I smile ironically at myself. I have no right to get angry at him for not telling me the truth when I can't tell him how I feel. 

I have faith in you, Fai. I love you. I need you. 

One day, we'll tell each other the truth. 


	6. Secrets part two

The instant I heard _Best of You_ by the Foo Fighters I was struck by two things; firstly that it's an awesome song and second it reminded me of Fai (obsessed, much? lol :D).

Disclaimer:All characters belong to CLAMP.

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Secrets - part two  
sugahcat

Fai was on all fours on rough ground, coughing, trying desperately to get enough breath to allow him to get out of the way of the attack. He managed to wipe the blood out of his eyes and even that small feat took all of the energy he had. 

For a long moment, he closed his eyes and wondered if it was worth the bother of moving. He had been running now for so long. He had wanted somewhere that he could live without feeling Ashura's noose around his neck but he had not realised that this would mean constantly running from world to world and he was getting tired of starting again, managing somehow to keep the smile on his face and to keep from screaming. He was getting tired of pretending the pain was not real, of pretending that everything was alright when it was anything but. 

Managing to lift his head he saw the creature moving into attack position once more. 

_Come on, do you want to live or die?_ His brain yelled at him. He had been running so that he could live but he was getting tired, so tired of pretending and hurting, so tired of living with a broken heart. Maybe it would just be easier to let this thing kill him. 

"What the hell's wrong with you!" 

A figure dressed in black jumped agilely in front of him and with a few swipes with Souhi, the creature was dispatched. Kurogane turned to glare at Fai but the blond's injuries must have been more severe than he had thought because the ninja knelt beside him and frowned. 

_Surely that isn't concern I see in your eyes, Kurorin?_ Fai wanted to ask but he merely ended up coughing again. He felt miserable. Kurogane was the last person he wanted to rescue him. They had been sleeping together for a few months now but though Fai's feelings had developed into something he thought he would never feel again, Kurogane gave no indication of any emotion beyond enjoying the sex. The last thing Fai needed in his present state was unreciprocated love. 

Managing to look up again, it was to meet very serious crimson eyes. 

"Are you going to give in?" Fai blinked at the question. "Or will you fight, will you admit to yourself that you're in pain so that you can get over it and start to trust again? Because I want you to trust me." 

His voice was softer than he had ever heard it. It made Fai force himself to sit up though he was too weak to support himself and ended up falling against Kurogane's chest. Strong arms wrapped around him and suddenly he felt safe. He felt that even if Ashura were to come crashing into this world and shatter all of the safety that Fai had fooled himself into thinking he had, it would not matter because he had Kurogane. Even if Ashura killed Fai, it would not matter because his King no longer had the hold on him that he once had. No longer did Ashura hold the pieces of Fai's broken heart; Kurogane had made him whole again. 

Fai opened his mouth to confess all of this, to tell the ninja how he felt but before he could, Kurogane spoke. 

"I meant to say this last week but I... I couldn't." A large, tan hand cupped Fai's cheek and their eyes met. "I love you, Fai. I need you. I trust you. So don't you dare leave me." 

Fai's lips curled in a smile full of warmth and happiness and he felt better suddenly than he had felt in many months. 

"I love you too," he managed to whisper before his wounds got the better of him and blackness overcame him.

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A/N:Oh, no! Will Fai be okay! Does anyone care! Will we ever find out! I guess that depends on what the next song that inspires me is >D Enjoy, review 


	7. Depression

This one's based on _Strange Glue_ by Catatonia. I had the single of that years ago and I lost it somewhere along the way. I've just recently d/led iTunes and as I was trying to decide what to get something in me reminded me of this song that I've not thought of for years. And as I was listening to it, I thought of Fai. Thus we get this ficlet

Disclaimer:Not mine. You know that.

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Depression  
sugahcat

Fai sat, legs tucked into his chest as he looked into the middle distance, buried deep in the thoughts of his past. Kurogane had asked him to spend the night with him but Fai had declined. He had been thinking a lot - too much - on the past of late and though he had tried to drag his mind away from his memories it had proven impossible. 

Sighing, he let himself fall back onto his bed and closed his eyes. His refusal had hurt Kurogane, he knew. The ninja would not let it show but Fai saw it; a flash of surprise and pain that was quickly hidden by a scowl. He should have explained, perhaps, that he did not deserve him. Fai felt that Kurogane could save him from himself and he did not think he deserved saving. 

It was getting harder and harder to forget the pain, the death and the suffering from his life in Ceres. His demons were catching up to him and all Fai could do was smile as their teeth sunk deeper into his soul. 

He would sleep better alone than with Kurogane by his side, but still he could not wait for morning; if the demons haunted him during the day, it was even worse at night. All the time now in his dreams he saw his sleeping King and he was the last thing he wanted to see. The end of the night couldn't come quickly enough. 

When day broke, Fai smiled once more. 


	8. Passion

Depeche Mode - _Enjoy the Silence_. Depeche Mode are perfect for Fai - for most angst bunnies, I guess. They're so goth xD 

Disclaimer:Man, when you're writing quick drabbles these sure get to be a pain in the ass. But it wouldn't feel like a fanfic without one, so; Everything is CLAMPs and none of it mine.

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Passion  
sugahcat

These are the times I enjoy best; when Fai is in my arms, silent apart from low moans of passion. The kisses and caresses speak volumes more than any words could. His nails scrape down my back and he gives a wordless moan; I exhale sharply, bliss increasing a notch at the pleasure-pain. My lips find his and join them; for a moment our kiss is deep and intense, warm and wet and mind-blowing. 

When it's only about being together is the time I like best. When he opens his mouth to speak I don't like him quite as much because his words are unnecessary; light hearted and meaningless. On the rare occasions that he's actually said something of importance I hang on every word but usually his speech is purposefully forgettable and it hurts me and pisses me off that he doesn't trust me enough to say what he means and what he needs to say. 

Because of this, I enjoy the silence between us. Especially when it's in moments like this when everything's pleasurable and I'm one with him. For a moment I forget about the reason I met him in the first place, forget all about Tomoyo-hime and Japan. All I've ever wanted is right here in my arms and he's all I need.

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Thank you to Rogue Fox for the lovely comment! Hope this doesn't let you down.

It's strange how after four months I'm suddenly so inspired. Yay for iTunes, I guess. 


	9. Secrets part three

I keep hitting a block in writing my original stuff so at least writing Tsubasa drabbles keeps me in a creative mood. This one's based on _We're in this Together_, Nine Inch Nails. It actually ends on a fluffy note, wow :o Note to self - write more fluff... 

Disclaimer:CLAMPs, not mine.

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Secrets - part three  
sugahcat

"Hitsuzen," Fai said wearily, leaning heavily against Kurogane. 

"Eh?" 

"Hitsuzen - fate, destiny." 

"I know what it means. I just don't understand why you're bringing it up now." 

Fai laughed humourlessly and swept his arm out to include their surroundings. They had defeated monster after monster but it was useless; cut one down and another five sprung up in its place. Sakura and Syaoran where thankfully safe in a military hideout nearby and Fai had taken it upon himself to protect them, weaponless and unwilling to use his magic. 

Almost dead, he had been saved when Kurogane came back from a reconnaissance mission. A declaration of love and one fainting spell later, they had started to fight once more but Fai was rapidly beginning to think it was useless. Perhaps it was their fate to die together now that they had finally told each other how they felt. Certainly Fate in Ceres seemed to have a cruel sense of humour; why not here too? 

"Damn it," cursed Kurogane, getting to his feet. "I'm not going to give up. Any minute now that manjuu is going to wake up and we'll get out of here. We just need to keep them back until then." He glanced down at Fai who was too pale and still bleeding. "Go to the princess and the kid. I'll hold them off." 

"No," Fai said, forcing himself to his feet and determinedly ignoring the stars that danced before his eyes. "We've made it this far, we're in this together now." 

Kurogane clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Then don't go dying on me." 

"I'll try my best," Fai replied, picking up a long length of broken pipe from the floor and swinging it to test it for feasibility as a weapon. "Ready?" 

Kurogane looked at the ranks of monsters that were slowly approaching; their deep, low howls pierced the air. "Damn it. Yes. I'm-" He was interrupted as a now familiar feeling accosted him. "The manjuu woke up!" Fai wrapped his arms around his neck as Mokona started to transport them to another world. 

"Do you want to know a secret? I knew we'd make it through this," he teased before Kurogane silenced him with a kiss as Mokona whisked them away. 


	10. Forsaken part one

_Stay_, Lisa Loeb.

Disclaimer:CLAMPs, not mine.

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Forsaken - part one  
sugahcat

I look over at Fai as he sits, naked, on the edge of my bed. He's looking into the middle distance, eyes focused on something I can't see, something he won't share with me. I've kept my distance from him, kept quiet about this for too long, but now that we've found the princess's feather I have to speak; the trouble is that I'm afraid I already know the answer to my question. I hope I'm wrong.

"Fai," I say, using his name to get his attention. Looking at me, his blue eyes are serious and there isn't a hint of a smile on his face. He knows what I'm about to say and the look on his face isn't exactly inspiring confidence. Yet I have to ask, blow to my pride though it is. I pause a moment before speaking. I've never been one for eloquent words and it seems that today is no different; the seriousness of the situation is not inspiring me. "Stay. Stay with me."

He looks away from me and my heart sinks. From the instant we landed in Japan I have been dreading this moment, dreading the words he's about to say.

"Kuro-sama... You know I can't do that."

"I know nothing of the damn kind!" My temper flares as the rejection tears deeply at me.

"Alright, then - you know I won't." He looks at me again and as he blinks, a tear rolls down his cheek. It washes away my anger, leaving me with only wrenching despair.

"But I love you," I say, sounding desperate, becoming aware that perhaps I haven't told him this often enough.

"And I love you. That's why I can't stay." He stands and picks his clothes up from the floor, clasping his top and pulling on the long gloves and boots slowly, wordlessly. I try to think of something that will make him stay but I realise there are no such words. I just stand, watching as he dresses and pulls slender fingers through untidy blond locks. I won't look at him as he walks over to me and lays a hand on my chest, kisses my cheek. "I will _always_ love you, Kurogane."

I believe him, but he still walks out of my room, out of my life and when I am alone, I feel the unfamiliar wetness of tears dampen my face.


	11. Forsaken part two

This is easily the corniest one so far . Apologies in advance :P _Pictures of You_, the Cure was the inspiration for this. Plus, Ali-san's Untitled fic and my TRC doujin (which can be found on deviantArt; my names sugahcat there, too, if you wanna see it).

Also! For anyone who is interested, I have a lot of fics on my LJ that I'm not posting anywhere else. You can check them out at sugahcat -dot- livejournal -dot- com.

Disclaimer:It all belongs to CLAMP, dontcher know.

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Forsaken - part two  
sugahcat

No-one in the castle seems to be too eager to talk to me, not even Princess Tomoyo; I can't say I blame them. I'm hiding my pain with anger and it's ferocious in its intensity. Storming back to my room I don't bother with the usual civilities to people I recognise on the way. It's no better when I'm alone but at least then I don't have to deal with the pitying glances from others. So my lover abandoned me: what the hell does it have to do with them?

Seeing the pile of things from my travels in the corner I decide it's time to deal with them. Anything that can be of use, like Souhi, can stay, everything else can be burned. I don't want any more memories of him around than absolutely necessary.

The first thing I pick up is a piece of cloth wrapped around something small. I don't recognise it and frown. I discard the string that binds the package and the cloth and nearly drop what they contain.

Pictures from some of the worlds we visited - they're called 'photographs', I remember. I would never have thought that a picture could hurt but today I learn differently. They are pictures of me and Fai; some with the kids, some just the two of us. There are even a few where I'm smiling at him, a few where he has a real smile on his face. There are ten photographs in all.

I close my eyes and remember the last time I saw him. The kid and the princess were looking unsure, even the damned manjuu seemed to see he was making the wrong decision but I couldn't get through to him. Since that day I've thought again and again about it - if I'd done something differently, found the right words; would he have stayed?

But he didn't. The rain had poured, recalling the first time I saw him at that Dimension Bitch's shop. He wrapped his arms around my neck, kissing me deeply and needingly, seeming as desperate to stay as I was. When he stood back I saw the tears on his face, not disguised by the rain.

"Let's go, Mokona."

"Fai?" The manjuu had asked, its soft voice uncertain.

"Let's go - please." He closed his eyes, before opening them as the manjuu spread it's wings. He held my gaze and as he started to disappear, whispered to me: "I love you."

It wasn't enough to make him stay, and now all I have are these pictures of him.

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A/N:Dude, I still suck at endings :( 


	12. Forsaken part three

Ah. There's some swearing in this one. The song is _Medication_ by Garbage, and is only _very_ slightly inspired by it. This is more inspired by the previous few chapters :)

Disclaimer:All belongs to the mighty CLAMP.

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Forsaken - part three  
sugahcat

Since I got home, I've got on with doing my job - a little too well it seems, for once more Tomoyo is berating me for killing people who are trying to hurt her.

"Kurogane, didn't you learn anything on your travels?" She sounds exasperated, and when I don't answer, she sighs. "It seems I might have to send you travelling again."

"WHAT?" I stare at her and inside I'm not sure whether or not to get mad. I'm finally home but it's not the same; I'm not the same. Without Fai I'm incomplete. I growl inwardly at myself - when the hell did I become so co-dependant?

"Well, it seems that, ah, your point of violence is still somewhat askew. You haven't learned what I sent you away for."

I remain silent. I did, it's just that I'm so pissed off that I _need_ to kill something to feel better. Tomoyo's pissing me off right now, too. She doesn't give a damn about me, just like _he_ didn't. They've got their own best interests at heart.

I don't say any of this and it's just as well; I don't mean it and I know I'd come to regret it later.

Tomoyo is still regarding me and then something else seems to attract her attention. She frowns and tilts her head as though listening to something I can't hear. Her face breaks into a pretty smile and she clasps her hands together.

"Or perhaps," she says, "Perhaps this will remind you of your lessons."

"The hell?" I ask, in no mood for games. She doesn't answer: she doesn't need to, for a familiar shiver runs down my spine. "The manjuu...?" I say, hope and disbelief colouring my voice. Sure enough, the pattern of the Dimension Witch's magic flickers into life and reality shifts; when the stomach-lurching feeling subsides, Tomoyo and I are joined by the white manjuu bun, sitting atop a very familiar blond head.

Fai grins at me and I notice, startled, that he has gained a long scar across his right cheek. He turns his attention to Tomoyo.

"The Princess of Clow requests your attendance at her wedding," he says, handing her a card with a flouish. The manjuu jumps onto her shoulder as she reads it and the messanger turns to me. "You're invited, too, of course." I raise a hand to touch the scar on his face and am pleased when it doesn't shake. He leans his face into my touch and smiles. "I faced my demon, Kuro-tan," he whispers. "I defeated him." I nod; he looks more confident than I ever remember seeing him. "I couldn't have done it without you," he adds with a smile.

"What did I do?"

"You made me believe in myself."

I can't help but smile at that. I'm glad he finally realised that he was strong enough to break free from his past.

"So, have you made room for my things?"

"What!"

"Well, after Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun's wedding I'm moving in with you, of course!"

I glare at him for being so presumptuous but I can't be too angry at him, nor at Tomoyo who's grinning at us from behind her wedding invitation. After all, I did ask him to stay with me; he's just taking me up on the offer a little belatedly.

"Hmph," I manage to reply but I say it with a smile. He smiles warmly back at me and for the first time in weeks I feel happy.

"Isn't love wonderful?" The manjuu says happily and I glare at it but I can't even do that with too much vehmence; it brought Fai back to me, after all.

Tomoyo laughs and regards us. "Hopefully this means I won't have to send you away again, Kurogane. Now, we'll just _have_ to get you something nice to wear to the wedding..."

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A/N:Meh heh D 


	13. Forsaken part four

Dedication: For Animegoil, since she pointed out that there wasn't enough emotion in the last chapter, and Mizu-Tenshi for pointing out that it seemed rushed (which is was). I've taken some time over this one, and hopefully you'll both like this one a little better ;;

The song is _Yesterday to Tomorrow_, Audioslave.

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Forsaken part four

The day goes past in a blur. There's much explaining, introducing and arguing to be done; we spend the time just as we have for the past two years - him baiting me (with aid from the manjuu) and me rising to it every time.

It's only later, much later that it all finally becomes real to me.

After joining our bodies, drowning ourselves in passion, I hold him in the comforting warmth of our mutual afterglow and realisation hits me:

He's come back to me. He's _staying_.

Staring down at him I feel a sharp, sudden agony explode in my chest and my eyes sting - it's his beauty, I tell myself: he's so beautiful that it burns. I bury my face in vanilla-scented hair and let tears fall into pale locks. He must feel the dampness in his hair because he pulls back, looking worried.

"Kuro-sama?" He asks, blue eyes filled with concern. He wipes my tears away. I try my best not to shake, to be strong even though pain, anger, relief and joy are waging a war within me.

"This is the second time in three months you've made me cry," I scowl, trying to blink away the pain and bury it in anger.

"I'm sorry." His voice is soft but serious. He doesn't have to explain because I understand - he had no choice: he had to face up to his past before we could properly begin our life together. I know he had to do it but it still hurts. He still left me. He looks at me but I won't allow our eyes to meet, not when tears still fill mine. A slim finger traces the planes of my face; jaw, cheekbones, nose, brow. "I wondered if you would wait for me," he murmurs, his fingers still memorising my features. "I wondered if I was worth waiting for. Even if you hadn't waited I had to come and thank you; you gave me the strength to let go of my past."

"You wondered if I'd wait for you?" I snap. "What the hell else could I do? I couldn't get you out of my mind!" I'm shouting, my temper breaking free of its tenuous leash. "If you hadn't come back, I'd've spent the rest of my damned life pining for you!" My fingers dig into his shoulders; I must be hurting him but he doesn't flinch. "You haunt my thoughts," I whisper harshly. "You own my heart. I could never love anyone the way I love you."

His eyes close for a long moment and then his lashes flutter. "He almost killed me, you know." Blue eyes are open but unfocused as he replays what happened in his mind. "I almost didn't get up when his last attack knocked me from my feet." His eyes catch mine and hold them. "But then I thought of you. I made myself get up because being with you is all I ever wanted." We stare at each other for a long moment before my heart twists at this new knowledge: I almost lost him for good. I pull him to me tightly.

"You bastard. Don't you ever leave me again."

"I won't," he promises, then his lips capture mine and the kiss sends me reeling. "You're my happiness," he whispers, our lips still touching so that I feel his words as well as hear them. "I'm not letting go of you again."

Calming down I pull back, chasing my breath before devouring his mouth. There's nothing that matters in the world but him and I: it turns only for the two of us.

I lower him to the bed again but this time we make love rather than just satisfying our lust.

When he returned I couldn't believe my luck but now I see it has nothing to do with luck: everything between us was meant to be. What brought us together, the first time and now, was hitsuzen.


End file.
